Why do they make vampires so sexy?

Holy Crap! You know when life just wakes up and slaps you in the face and you have been so busy that you have neglected important things? I got a loving reminder today that I haven't posted anything in a while. Well my friends, it is time.

Have I built your excitement too much?  Too bad.

I have been kind of working like crazy over the last month and I am down to 40 hours a week for the next few weeks. This was kind of an overload for my brain. I didn't know what to do with myself. So, what do you do at times like this? You find an extremely addicting show and you get wrapped up in it. My new addiction is Vampire Diaries.

Why do they make vampires so sexy?

This just makes me think that it's totally okay to get involved with a guy that is constantly controlled by hunger, has anger issues, can make you do anything, and is a murderer. All of the sudden Gentiles don't sound so bad. Does this stop me from being completely wrapped up in all things vampire? No. Does this mean that I am watching Breaking Dawn Part One at 7p Thursday night before anyone else can? Of course it does.

Oh well, lead on sexy vamps. Lead on.

I just had a brilliant idea. So, I work for Paul Mitchell. Love them. We have just recently launched a new men's line of Take Home called Mitch. I think that every Mitch man needs to be a vampire. Just look at these guys!

While watching the hot vampires I have been able to try out a lot of different recipes and such. Here are a couple.

Banana Bread on Crack

1 Kroger (or whatever quick bread mix you choose) Banana Bread Mix
4 oz. Cream Cheese (room temperature)
3 T. Sugar
1 Mashed Banana

Prepare the banana bread mix as directed. Mix the cream cheese, sugar, and banana together.

Coat a bread pan with shortening and flour. Pour half of the banana bread mix into the pan. With a spoon, scoop the cream cheese mixture on top of the mixture.

Pour the rest of the mixture over and bake as directed. Allow to cool and enjoy that amazing bread.

Crescent Rolls with all sorts of fun

Dinner:

Pack of crescent rolls
Chicken
Bell Pepper
Cheese

I just rolled up all of that and baked it to the roll directions. To stop them from getting soggy, make sure you cook them enough, you can also lower the temperature on the oven a little and bake it for longer.

Dessert:

Pack of crescent rolls
Cream cheese (softened)
Orange Marmalade

Spread the cream cheese on the rolls, then the marmalade. Roll it up and cook it to the roll directions. Enjoy.

Suck it.

Really?

Wow, it has been a long time. So sorry, but it has been a very busy month. Normally this would be my creative outlet, but I recently started working at a salon in the evenings and I have been able to work through my creativity that direction. It has also given me some fun stories.

I few weeks ago I was welcomed home one night from work by a letter from the city. Apparently one of my neighbors called the city and complained about my weeds. Really? You have nothing better to do than to care that much about my landscaping. Some people just deserve to be punched in face.

I was discussing this situation with some friends and told them about a "weeding party" that I was having that night. I would feed them chocolate cake in return for some manual labor. We were discussing how stupid my neighbor was when one of my friends turned to me and told me with great pride that he had never done Weed. First thing that came to me was, "that's great, neither have I." As the conversation went on and I was still trying to convince people to come over and have some chocolate cake he turned to me again and inquired why I wasn't serving brownies at this party. I said because I made chocolate cake the other night and that is what I had.

It struck me then that English is not his first, or even second language. I tried to explain that we were picking weeds that night and thought that I had cleared it all up. A couple of nights later we were out on a walk and we walked past the idiot neighbor's house who called the city on me. I mentioned the house and my friend asked how my neighbor saw the Weed anyway. I told him that they were all over the yard and that anyone could see them. It then occurred to me that he still thought I was talking about Weed and not weeds.

Two things made me very happy about this. One, that someone actually thinks I am a pothead. Two, that he would still hang about with me even though he thinks I am a pothead.

Good times. Hugs not drugs.

I have cooked a lot of amazing things lately, so I will just add them one by one. Later, I'm tired.

Suck it.

It's Beautiful!

I apologize for my nonsensicalness last night. I was sleepy. Today was wonderful. I have two friends and they are amazing. Quality over quantity any day. So I have spent pretty much all day with these suckers.

Stake Conference was this morning. So for the non-Mormons out there it is where a bunch of congregations get together and have a big meeting. The last speaker started his talk and, holy shock and amazement, the talk was on chastity and marriage. The talk went on for 45 minutes and we got really annoyed and left 5 minutes early. Marilyn brought up a great point when we were leaving. So in the Mormon faith we are taught not to have sex before marriage and not to do anything that will bring on the feelings that come along with that. Now our parents and all the people who tend to teach this got married at about 21 and have no idea how hard this is being say, 30. It just isn't effective now to tell us not to do these things, because

insert Marilyn rant: "we are pissed that the dumb girls who got married at 20 get to satisfy their base, human urges, and we don't. Really they should just tell us that they have no idea what it must be like to deny your desire to be close to someone, but it must be shitty, so we are freaking sorry about that, but it's the rules. Seriously, I want to keep the commandments, I just want them to realize that it's insanely difficult to do. I also don't want to hear any more about how it's the special bond between two people, because married people are doing the same thing I would do with the random guy I met at a party--satisfying their need to be with someone. Not that marriage isn't special, but let's call sex what it is. And don't even get me started on the boner remorse Mormon guys feel after they make out with a girl and then can't handle their feelings because no one taught them what to do when their naughty bits react, so clearly the logical thing is to run like she's the she-devil incarnate of Potiphar's Wife.  This, of course, make us feel like shit, because now we are the Mormon version of a one night stand. Seriously, can someone tell these guys that it's totally normal to get turned on while making out with me and that they don't need to repent just because of a little boner (I may be making assumptions on the little part)."

And back to Mesh: The Book of Mormon musical has a great song for this called "Turn it off." Effective, cause that doesn't screw you up.

As you can see Marilyn and Keri had a rough week so, we all got together to do dinner. It was beautiful. Such a weekend called for making the caprese Naan, Balsamic Vinegar marinated chicken, couscous, and the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice.  Jesus even approved of our ingredient selection.

I have had this request from Marilyn for quite sometime to make this recipe for salted caramel chocolate cake. So that happened. The rest of dinner was amazing as well, but dessert was the best.

Dinner:

First thing we did was to prepare the chicken.
In a 2 quart dish combine:

Balsamic vinegar
Vinegar
Salt
Honey
Lemon Juice
Garlic

Just stir it all together, most of it will be the Balsamic Vinegar. Marinate that chicken and refrigerate for at least 30 min.

While that was refrigerating we started the cake, dearest, loveliest cake. After a talk about chastity it's about as sexy as we were going to get.

The first thing the recipe has us make is the frosting. This frosting just consisted of 2 ingredients. 1lb of chopped up bittersweet chocolate and 2 cups of heavy cream. Best recipe ever.

Sexy apron, thanks Mom, makes me look real good chopping that chocolate

boil heavy cream and pour over the chocolate, stir.

This is what is turns into

Then you do good things and make some salted caramel.

So beautiful and bubbly

add butter, it's done, let cool

Then you start to actually make the cake. Good times.

Look how pretty the ingredients look

Follow the recipe, then it looks like this

We may or may not have made extra caramel to drizzle on top. This stuff is also comparable to the Starbucks carmel and deserves to be stored and enjoyed at all walks of life.

After the cake was finished we made the rest of the dinner. To finish the chicken we cooked it in the a pan with a little olive oil. While it was cooking I sprinkled the chicken with sesame seeds. 

Dinner was served with some sparkling cider. Good stuff. 

Overall, here is what I learned today. It is really hard to be a single 30 year old Mormon. My friends are amazing. My dogs are good for snuggles. If you squeeze Harold he growls. 

As far as the single thing goes. I just hope to find someone I can share my daily life with who cares about what really happens to me and who will just spoon with me whenever I need it. Until I find that, I'm content to be single even though it is hard.

Suck it.

Paranoia+little sleep= bad things in my head

My brain won't go to sleep, so this is what you get. Harold is trying to get my attention by licking the keyboard and my hand. This would have been cuter before he killed and ate a bird. Puppy kisses just don't have the same affect as they used to.

For some reason my life is kind of amazing right now. Whenever it gets to this point I get a little anxious. I start to doubt everything I do and then I get all paranoid. Granted, it is not perfect, but amazing.

One thing that has come up into my life and I feel as if it will happen again is the gaping hole called the "Friend Zone."

So, I have troubles when I start talking to guys that they automatically assume we are friends. So, so many times this has happened. I don't mind having friends. I have friends. Two. I just want someone to want me as more than just friends. I will have to find sound advice on this because so far I just sprint into the zone and wait in there.

What typically happens in my poor excuses for a love life is that I will develop a crush (love that feeling). Then I will hang out with this person. We will start doing all sorts of things together, I fall in like, I tell him that I would like to date him, he says he "doesn't think of me that way," I cry (I'm not weak, I'm human), I grow strong and get over it and the vicious cycle starts back up again. I would love to stop.

This current guy I'm talking to I would love to keep out of that zone. I was even thinking about getting a T-shirt that says so. You can get one here . Thank you zazzle.

There has to be some kind of repellant for that. In the mean time, I will just wait and see what happens.

I was with him the other night and he called me by my name. My full name. Meshelle. NO one does that. Mainly it is because everyone butchers my name except for my family. I love my name, I just want it said right. He said it right and boy does it sound right in an accent. (if for some reason you found my blog and are now embarrassed because you are reading about yourself, sorry about that) It totally caught me off guard and I think I had a really shocked look on my face because he asked about what I go by. (if again you have found my blog, please feel free to call me by my full name, it's great to hear) Every man should have an accent.

One thing that has made my life amazing in the last little bit is the wonderful joy of new found fun. This fun has come in the form of working at a salon. I work just  about 10 hours a week and still full-time teaching. I love it. I love to get my hands in there and have fun. I have only worked for one week, but I absolutely love it. I work with the best team in the world.

Well, that's enough. I am tired now and I think my brain will shut off for just a few moments in order for me to sleep.

I made dinner last night.

Seared Chicken with Avocado

(I couldn't take a picture of what I did because I had company over, but this is a picture of the same recipe)
(ps this cookbook is amazing)

11/2 tsp. blackened seasoning
4 (4 oz.) skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
1 tsp. olive oil
1 diced peeled avocado
2 Tbsp. chopped fresh cilantro
1 jalapeño pepper, seeded and finely chopped
2 Tbsp. fresh lime juice (about 1 lime)
1/4 tsp. salt
1 lime cut into fourths

Sprinkle seasoning on both sides of chicken. Heat oil on high. Add chicken to pan. Cook 1 min on each side. Reduce heat to medium; cook 3 min. on each side or until lightly browned.

Combine, avocado, cilantro, pepper, lime juice and salt. Squeeze lime over each piece of chicken before serving. Serve with avocado mixture. I also served it with zucchini and couscous.

Word to the wise: When stabbing the pit of an avocado to get it out, do not stab like you are trying to hurt someone. Stab flat. I may or may not have severed a nerve and/or stabbed the bone of my middle finger while taking the pit from an avocado the other day. I still don't have the feeling back in it and when I press on my tiny wound it sends tingles up my finger. No worries, those things grow back right? Good times.

Suck it.

When it rains, it pours

So, a while back I started a new journey into dating. I have this strong sense to be a mother and have an eternal family and all that good stuff, so I decided to try new things. The new things I decided to do was come out of my shell as a hermit and hang out, then to start my own online dating profile. Oh joy.

My previous view of online dating was a last resort to being totally alone and miserable. I hit the bottom, yea. Well, after months of sending messages to random strangers in hopes of bliss, I get nothing. At this point I have started to question myself. Am I doomed to forever being single? Crap.

Last week I was starting to feel really good about myself. I didn't care to really date at this point in my life, if it happens, it happens. If not, I have puppies. I went to a pot luck dinner. Now if you are not Mormon, this is pretty much our equivalent to a Kegger, except the abundance of beer is replaced with an abundance of food. My goal was to at least be social, so I talked to people and mingled. At some points I was completely disgusted by the desperate ploys to catch a mate that took the form of  bad dancing and really bad karaoke. Good times, now you know why we are all really weird.

At this pot luck I was talking to a good friend and the whole time he was checking out my chest. It was like I had grown a separate set of lips and they were blowing raspberries for attention. Now under normal circumstances I would have felt a little awkward about this, but whatever, good times. It just made me giggle. After a while of this I moved on and was about to leave the wonderful situation when some new guy to our group of peeps started talking to me. He was cute. And he talked to me for like 20 minutes without checking out my boobs. Or rather, without me catching him.

I was feeling pretty good about myself. The next day I went to a hair show. At this hair show I met up with an acquaintance that I hadn't seen for about 6 months. This acquaintance is a very, very hot man. Like makes me stumble on my words so hot. We got to talking and he asked me for my number. What?!? That actually happens?

The next morning he sent me a text message, then asked me out. What?!? That actually happens? So, we went on a date. Yes, first one in years, I know pathetic. In my defense I came off a really abusive relationship that kind of scarred me for life. All in all the date was good. We talked about life, work, whatever. It was like a normal conversation.This man was clearly not LDS. Conversations that are normal usually constitute a marriage proposal or them running for their life. It was really my first date with a Gentile. Would I go out with him again? Heck yes! Flirt to convert! This date was clearly a work date, but whatever, I'll take whatever I can get.

All of this escalating in my dating life had me feeling kind of amazing. So when I got this message from a new match on eHarmony I was kind of excited. He told me I was a "hot mama jama." He messaged me like 3 times and told me how beautiful I was and such. Now, my friend Marilyn and I share our fabulous stories of online dating and she was sharing with me the night before. I thought this guy looked familiar so I asked her if he was a one of her matches with LDS Singles. Turns out he was and was chatting her up as well. She sent him a message today about how he was talking to one of her friends. He then suggested to her that we have a threesome. Yup, a threesome. These guys that we are trying to date are supposed to be upstanding LDS men. Right.

I am good to be single for now.

So now it comes to dinner.


Pecan Crusted Salmon with Oven Roasted Asparagus and Mozzarella and Basil Tortilla

This is my first time making my own recipe and it kind of worked well.

Pecan Crusted Salmon

In a small bowl, mix together:

3 Tbs. Honey
1 Tbs. BBQ Sauce
1 Tbs. Dijion Mustard
1/8 tsp. ground cinnamon

Spread over 2 salmon fillets placed on an oiled piece of tin foil and cookie sheet.

Using a chopper, chop together:

3/4 C. Pecans
1/2 tsp. olive oil
1/2 tsp. Kosher salt

Spread over the salmon fillets creating an amazing crust

Bake at 400 for about 10 min.


Oven Roasted Asparagus

Take a bunch of Asparagus, on a cookie sheet toss with olive oil and Kosher salt

Bake at 400 for about 8 min.

Mozzarella and Basil Tortilla

I purchase the tortillas that you have to cook because, let's face it, they use less ingredients and are amazing.

Cook the tortilla, put some mozzarella and fresh basil inside and cook on both sides.


Voila dinner.

I know some of you are thinking that I should have rice instead of tortilla with fish, but I was craving the tortilla. When you make it you can serve it with whatever you choose.

Enjoy.

Suck it.

Those Who Judge

So, I have had a hard time coming back to the blog. It was because of judgers. I myself am one that judges, but I judge people's crap hair that I know I can fix.

After my last post my family so wonderfully each called me out on cussing in my blog. For the record, count them, there are 2, possibly 3. They should be more concerned of my overuse of commas. No, God will not send me to Hell because of a few cuss words, otherwise there is one apostle that I know won't be going to Heaven and I am pretty sure that is not how it works. (also, have I heard all of those people cuss? Of course I have) This is for them.

Come on. Let's focus on the real problems in life; like when do you really use a semicolon and who came up with that name?

There are certain things I would love to blog about right now, but I can't because my Mom reads this now. Crap. Hi Mom. It's like that one time my Mom found Facebook. Did I deny her as a friend, of course I did. Again, hi Mom.

What I can say is that God works in very mysterious ways. I have had loads of crap happen to me in life and I always get the feeling that God kind of gets a kick out of it, just like I get a kick out of torturing my Future Professionals. Well loads of non-crap things have happened in succession. Which makes me wonder what He has up his sleeve. These types of things don't happen very much, and by not very much I mean never. I will take them as I can though!

On to the next. I am officially going crazy! It is so much fun to go crazy though. I feel it gives me an opportunity to have great adventures. The other day I made some amazing Soft Gingersnaps....mmmm.... I decided that I needed to drink a glass of milk, so I did. It was great too. I had a couple of cookies and I ran out of milk. Now I swore that I had a little bit left. So I went to the fridge and my milk was gone. My puppies do not have opposable thumbs so as much as I suspected them, rationality had me thinking otherwise. I was baffled. No milk. I searched my entire house (really it isn't that impressive, my home is only 650 square feet). Still, no milk. So I gave up. Screw the milk. I went on with my oh so wonderful life. The next night I got up the energy to face my arch nemesis, the dishes. As I was putting away my glass, I opened the cupboard and there, all bulging and sour, was my milk. Crazy is fun.

Here is the recipe for those amazing cookies so that you too can drive yourself to insanity.

Soft Gingersnaps (from Emily)

1 1/2 Cups Softened Butter (no substituting)
2 Cups Sugar
2 Eggs
1/2 Cup Molasses
4 1/2 Cups Flour
3 teaspoons Baking Soda
2 teaspoons Ground Cinnamon
1 teaspoon Ground Ginger
1 teaspoon Ground Cloves
1/2 teaspoon Salt
1/2 teaspoon Ground Nutmeg

Cream butter and sugar together. Add eggs, one at a time, beat very well after each egg. Beat in molasses. Combine flour, baking soda, salt and spices in separate bowl. Gradually add to creamed mixture. Refrigerate for 1 hour.

Roll into 1" balls and roll in sugar. Place 2" apart on un-greased baking sheets (I prefer to use parchment paper, that stuff is amazing!). Bake at 350 for 8-12 min. or until puffy and lightly browned. Cool for 1 min. before removing to wire racks.

You can also make these into gingerbread men and play Run For Your Life Candyman. Best. Game. Ever.

Enjoy. Suck it.

Hope, overrated.

Just saw an amazing movie with my good friend Emily. Crazy, Stupid Love. Steve Carell just really amazes me. Ryan Gosling on the other hand, is a pure gift from God. Seriously, my testimony grows because there are men as hot as him. Mmmm.

So Emily is probably the best person in the world to go see a comedy with. There is absolutely no holding back the laughter and she has the loudest, most infectious laugh. Everything becomes like 20 times more funny. Here are some amazing quotes in this movie.

Movies like this give me a little hope about love. This movie is all about soul mates though and I really don't believe in soul mates. But, now I kind of want one. Blast you movie makers! You make my life seem so mundane. Before the movie we were talking about our highlights of the day. Emily's was getting her shopping done. Mine was getting my recycling out. Awesome, right? Who doesn't want that?

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over with the hope that you will get different results. I am insane. Strangely I am totally okay with this. Love will come. Maybe from the internet, maybe not. I will find someone who will put up with my craziness, or I'll find someone that I'm obsessed with and lock him in a bathroom, brainwash him until he falls in love with me. Does anyone know where Ryan Gosling lives? I'd take Taye Diggs. Or any type of chocolate for that matter.

Are there soul mates, no. Are there certain people that you connect with on an amazing level, yeah. Do things always work out between them, no. (hence the reason I am not married or in a significant relationship) But, there will always be more than one if you allow it. 

Enough of that, people who fall in love are usually assholes. That's okay, they can just be that way.

So my brother is starting this weight loss deal. He is kind of struggling with amazing smoothies, so this is for him. I got this from my amazing trainer Jill.

1. Take a banana and peel it.
2. Take an avocado and peel and pit it.
3. Put in a blender with a cup of milk
4. Add a little bit of sugar (like 1tsp.-1Tbsp.)
5. Blend it.
6. Enjoy.

I know, I know. It sounds really funny and not at all tasty, but it really is amazing and really helps with sugar cravings.

Have a great night.
Suck it.

Just Shoot Me

This may sound a little depressing, but I can assure you, I am of sound (ish) mind.

So, about 10 years ago I started some kind of weight loss extravaganza. Not the first. I had just passed 250  pounds and I was depressed. While talking to my little sister Becki, I told her that if ever I gained enough weight to pass the 300 pound mark that she has my permission to please shoot me.  Well shit. (sorry Becki, she hates when I swear) Today just happened to be that day. Becki if you would like to, you had my permission 10 years ago. I feel it should be done with something that looks fancy, like this.

Weight loss has been such a pain in my butt. Literally and figuratively. Last year about this time I had just hit a very hard plateau from loosing almost 40 pounds. I was at my thinnest in about 8 years. I felt good. Then this plateau hit very hard, so after 3 months of working out 45-90 minutes a day and eating right and not loosing one pound I was done trying that hard. I maintained my weight for a long time, then I got depressed. Blast that wretched bain on my existence.

It got bad, so I got on happy pills. However, these happy pills make you gain weight and before I knew it all my hard work was back on my ass. I saw this as more depressing than why I was on medication and I had worked through my problems, so I got off the anti-depressants that create more depression.  Getting off the pills has not stopped the weight gain so I am convinced that someone is sneaking into my house at night and intravenously administering fat right into my thighs. It absolutely has nothing to do with the way that I eat and don't work out.

300 was just bound to happen this year. I turned 30 so why not just times that by ten and turn it into fat.

So this means I have my work cut out for me.  If any of you would like to strap me to your body in the morning and take me for a run I am in. The dogs may get a little jealous but they will get over it. I cannot do any type of medium to high impact working out right now so you will have to do the work. Or if I happen to owe you a pound of flesh, please, take ten (from my stomach, thighs, or butt, there will be no taking it out of my boobs, been there, done that).

Because I have dealt with this for so long I have had my fair share of people telling me that I am fat or that I need to loose weight. Of course, this is always approached "with all the love in the world." Some of these instances have been quite tactful, others have kind of missed the mark. My favorite one was this last birthday. I was at work. Everyone gets a cake for their birthday. It's just something that they do. We sing. Someone blows out candles. Then everyone gets a piece of the cake. So this year I get called to the front desk and they surprise me by singing and I look over and see a pile of fruit with one lone cake pop sticking out of the top. The pile of fruit is covered in candles and enflamed. Gracefully I blow out my candles and laugh. My boss then announces to everyone that she didn't want to get me a cake because I'm trying to loose weight and, "this time you're really going to do it!" I proceeded to grab the cake pop and shove it in my face.

This is the type of unwelcome statement that an overweight person does not want to hear. I once found a book called "People Who Deserve It: Socially Responsible Reasons to Punch Someone in the Face." This whole senario should definitely be in there.

I truly believe that there are people out there who genuinely want to help you out. To these people, use a code word so your friend won't get pissed. My code word is blarfengar. If you want to show your concern for my weight, you must preface it with blarfengar. That way I know that it is coming from your heart and I should ignore the feeling that I get to punch you in the face.

I need to go hide from my sister now who is somewhere with a fancy gun.

Suck it.

Alfred H. Cock

So the other day I was getting ready to have a good night's rest. I climbed in bed and pulled back the sheets. All of the sudden a little scurrying creature ran under a pillow. Such things require me to change my pants. I got up the courage to lift up the pillow and when I did a smallish gekko ran from the pillow to under the bed. In my mind I think, sweet, gekko, the dogs will get it then lick me feverishly with their lizard breath, but no harm, so I went to bed. Any type of bug would have had me staying at a friend's house.
The next morning I wake up and shower. I am enjoying my refreshing wash and I turn around toward the spout. I scream a little and realize after squinting a little (no contacts in the shower) that my little friend is back again. Awesome. Still no harm, all is well.
Yesterday I am showering again and after the shower my gekko comes back again. I had to get a picture because now I am obsessed with blogging. I didn't want the gekko to disappear again, so I ran to get my camera. Wet and naked. (these are reasons I live alone).  So here he is.

He needed a name, so I thought hey, Alfred Hitchcock likes shower scenes, so does the lizard.  So Alfred it is. Later that day I was discussing him with a friend and decided Alfred H. Cock was much more appropriate.

Dinner tonight was a little project. I had found a seasoning mix for lettuce wraps. Lettuce wraps have always been a great thing so I thought hey let's do it. The seasoning mix is from Sun-Bird. I made the mix as directed from the packaging. It was good, but here is how I would change it next time.
The recipe calls to saute the chicken marinade mixture on high for 1 min. I would suggest starting with the mixture on medium heat and cooking it with the lid on for 5-8 minutes, until the chicken is no longer pink. This will allow your chicken to remain very moist instead of cooking it all out at the beginning. Then add some oil and saute it on high to add a little crisp to the outside of the chicken and some beautiful color.
I served just with soy sauce. This wasn't enough punch for me. I would definitely go for the soy sauce, hot chili sauce and Chinese hot mustard to add some amazing kick.
I wrapped the mixture in Romaine lettuce. You can use any, but I love that you can fold it like a taco instead of trying to bunch it up in some other kind of lettuce and loosing the mixture and creating a hot mess while trying to stuff in it your mouth as quick as possible.

This recipe makes an insane amount of food. If you are just by your lonesome, freeze part of it or take it into work and let them have at it. Enjoy.

Suck it.

Yesterday I finally went to the foot doctor. Yea, nothing broken but my sense of style. Turns out I have Planar Facetious and Achilles Tendonitis in both feet! This may sound completely entertaining, but I also get to wear these amazing cast-like moon boots every night to bed. Bringing back the 80s! Can I get a woot woot?

It seems as though every time I start to get a hold on life in general that God just looks down on me and says, "ha." I have been discussing this with my good friends. It seems like I am not the only one that He does this to. Although this is a slap in the face, I have to look at the great things that have come to my life. Over the past 3 years I have come through the most excruciating pain I have ever felt.  Loads of pain. But, I am alive, which is a pretty good start. I want to be alive, which is pretty amazing too.

I love living in Arizona. Though the summers are slightly unbearable and feel as if you are going to be cooked from the heat on the asphalt, the storms here are sick. We are experiencing one right now. What is really awesome is when it is hot out and it starts to rain. The rain will hit the ground and then evaporate before more rain can kit the ground. There are no puddles being created, but it is raining. Kind of blows your mind a little.

I have always seen rain and storms as something cleansing. Washing away the filth and the daily crap (especially the literal crap that my puppies like to leave at my back door. Bad dog!).  So go ahead rain, cleanse. Cleanse it all. Make me feel great so God can send another "ha."

Food tip of the day: Dinner was nachos and cheese.
1. Tostitos chips on a plate.
2. Tostitos Salsa con Queso on the chips
3. Microwave those amazing things for 45 seconds.
4. Top with Wholly Salsa
5. Enjoy!

Suck it.

Blogger 101

So, this is my first posting. I feel like there is so much pressure for a first post, so, here it goes. My very good friend Marilyn decided that my life needed to be blogged. We spent about an hour making things perfect and all I can say is save often.

The thoughts behind this blog was to exploit my cooking skills which are few, but when they come out they are incredible (toot toot). Tonight I got this amazing idea to make Caprese Naan. Right? Your mouth is watering right now. Here is how you do it.

1. Take some Naan (normal Naan, not the funny flavors) brush it with olive oil and heat it up in the oven for a few minutes at 400 degrees.

2. Slice some tomatoes and put them on the Naan.

3. Slice some fresh mozzarella and put that on top of the tomatoes.

4. Sprinkle some Kosher salt on that.

5. Now top it with basil.

6. Drizzle it with olive oil and Balsamic vinegar.

7. Now you put it in the oven on broil for just a few minutes until the cheese starts to melt.

8. Devour that.

9. Be proud of yourself for spending about 10 minutes on dinner. Buy yourself something pretty.

So, there you go. I cannot guarantee how many things I will cook because let's be honest, I cook about once a week. I will probably write about life in general too. I am a 30 year old single Mormon with two Yorkies that I pretend are my children. Their names are Philly Steak and Cheese and Harry Old Man, or Phil and Harold for short.

Marilyn is now creating a list of things that I should cook and the list is getting longer so I going to go now.

Suck it.